Please send us photos of sad things lying on streets by clicking here or emailing email@example.com. But first, read below. We’ve developed a few protocols to help you decide whether or not you have a bona fide piece of Sad Stuff on the Street:
1. The thing is sad.
You can see it, we can see it. Children and emo adults alike weep for its existence. But at some point—in the not so distant past—the sad thing was not sad. It just belonged to some person.
2. It’s on the street.
Any outdoors pavement surface will suffice. This may sound obvious but let’s just say it: if you roam exclusively in fields of daisies, we have no interest in your stuff.
3. It doesn’t belong there.
Hey there, sad thing! Why are you on the street? You’re supposed to be sitting on a countertop. You should be hanging in a closet, adorning a mantle, tying the room together! Anywhere but here, where you are, lying sadly on the street.
4. It’s not just a piece of garbage.
That half-eaten hamburger on the curb doesn’t count.
5. You’re not at a garage sale.
Because that would be way too easy. Take note: you will never be directed to a truly sad thing on the street if you’re just following signs that say “Sadness Sale This Way, 2 Blocks.”
6. It’s inanimate.
This is another way of saying “no drunk guys passed out on the sidewalk.” Also, for reasons of sensitivity and safety but mostly sensitivity, let’s leave the homeless out of this. Living in San Francisco and New York, we have had plenty of opportunities for such photos and maybe you will as well, but keep walking, friends. Conveniently, this rule also excludes photos of dead animals and lost children—which are technically sad things on the street, but have no place on this blog. Robots are okay so long as they’re broken.
7. You can’t fake it.
Go easy on the feng shui. Seeing a counterfeit Sad Stuff photo is like listening to a bad liar. Something in your gut tells you the story is bogus, and you just sort of pity the guy for lying about why he’s running five minutes late for coffee.
Finding a good piece of Sad Stuff on the Street makes you feel like a million bucks. In fact, the experience is akin to finding cash on the street. Not a lot of cash. Not, like, finding a twenty dollar bill. But it’s better than finding a dollar. Finding good Sad Stuff on the Street is like finding $6.50.*
Ok, does that clear it up? Now CLICK HERE TO SEND US YOUR SAD STUFF.
*Sloane and Greg would like to point out that it’s really more like finding six bucks even, because you’d probably leave the fifty cents. Coins are dirty. Besides, you just found six dollars—can’t you quit while you’re ahead?